Marg and I barely spoke on the drive home from the doctor's surgery; we were both still too stunned. As the evening wore on however, the conversation turned to: 'best case' vs 'worst case' scenarios, and progressed to; when and how, we should tell the family.
Later that night ... we lay huddled together - sobbing. At first, words seemed superfluous and then, any attempt to speak was choked off by intense and sporadic sobbing.
Words were not necessary that night, we just needed to hold onto each other as tightly as possible. Eventually sleep would come and we would relinguish our hold on each and slip off into the realm of dreams (and dreads). But for now we lay their locked in a tight embrace.
So many thoughts ran through my mind that night as the hours drifted slowly by. I thought about the journey that had been my life. I remembered some deeply moving moments that touched my soul. Some moments of sheer joy also called for my attention.
Of course, there were other memories too ... sad ones, those that illicited powerful feelings of regret. There were also very painful memories; memories which I had tried hard not to remember.
All of these things, and so much more, I realised had helped shaped me into the person I am today. If I were to erase any of them, I thought; I would somehow be diminishing my own personhood. I decided to hold onto ALL of my memories and cherish them - the good, the bad and the ugly.
I remember looking at Marg, as she lay there eyes closed and caught up (I'm sure) in her own remembering; this was the woman that I loved; I wasn't ready to let her go! We had been married for more than 35 years, and, for either one of us to even consider the possibility of (permanent) separation, now ... or in the near future ... was too painful to consider.
Later that night ... we lay huddled together - sobbing. At first, words seemed superfluous and then, any attempt to speak was choked off by intense and sporadic sobbing.
Words were not necessary that night, we just needed to hold onto each other as tightly as possible. Eventually sleep would come and we would relinguish our hold on each and slip off into the realm of dreams (and dreads). But for now we lay their locked in a tight embrace.
So many thoughts ran through my mind that night as the hours drifted slowly by. I thought about the journey that had been my life. I remembered some deeply moving moments that touched my soul. Some moments of sheer joy also called for my attention.
Of course, there were other memories too ... sad ones, those that illicited powerful feelings of regret. There were also very painful memories; memories which I had tried hard not to remember.
All of these things, and so much more, I realised had helped shaped me into the person I am today. If I were to erase any of them, I thought; I would somehow be diminishing my own personhood. I decided to hold onto ALL of my memories and cherish them - the good, the bad and the ugly.
I remember looking at Marg, as she lay there eyes closed and caught up (I'm sure) in her own remembering; this was the woman that I loved; I wasn't ready to let her go! We had been married for more than 35 years, and, for either one of us to even consider the possibility of (permanent) separation, now ... or in the near future ... was too painful to consider.
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